I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
