It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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