He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
