He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
