I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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