Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Send help, water and tortillas.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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