My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
this hospital has no fireball
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
