...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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