I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
