wat bout pragnant strippers??
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
