nut hugger
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
