Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
