i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
