last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Say something about gay babies.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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