Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
