sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
