Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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