I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
