I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
