I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hippo gnu deer
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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