May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just cropdusted the office
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize