fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
