"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
