My hand turned me down
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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