you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
