No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
