So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
