Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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