I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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