i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
