No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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