She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry about my life...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
