it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
