i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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