Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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