If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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