But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
