im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
