is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
