Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize