His pubic hair was longer than his dick
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
