Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
