My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
