Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
