it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
