lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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