he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
