I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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