I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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