awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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