Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
