I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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