I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
