I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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