I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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