If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
