i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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