Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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