getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
