"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
