She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
