Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
