I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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